There are 31 chapters in Proverbs, so if you look at the calendar on any given day, you can pick out a chapter in Proverbs and get your dose of wisdom for the day.
With that in mind, I read through Proverbs 13 and came across this verse:
“He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” -Proverbs 13:24
This passage is often cited by people who want to promote beating children to get them to behave. While I would agree that spanking may have its place as a last resort (to be used sparingly, lovingly, and carefully), I do not believe that this passage is saying “beat your children with a stick.”
Let’s break down the words a little.
First, there is the word for “rod,” which, in this instance, is “Shebet.” It is used in Genesis 49:10 where it says, “The scepter will not depart from Judah.” A scepter is not an instrument to be used to beat people, it is a symbol of authority.
Funny thing, in Genesis 49:16, 28, and several other places, it is translated to “tribe.” In fact, it is far more often translated as “tribe” than as scepter, rod, or stick. I would say the logic here seems to be that those who are under the same authority are part of the same tribe.
Then we have the word for “hate.” The Hebrew word is “sane,” which more accurately translates to “to work against.”
Then, we have the word “discipline.” While we tend to associate the English word “discipline” with punishment for doing wrong, let us remember that the English word “disciple” comes from the same route. The Hebrew word translated to “discipline” here is “Musar,” which means “correction.” In Job 36:10, it translates to “instruction,” as it does in various places throughout Proverbs.
Finally, we have the word for “promptly,” the Hebrew word for which is “Shachar,” which means “to look diligently for.” At Job 7:21, and in several other places in Job, it is translated to “seek.” This is also how it is translated in Psalms, elsewhere in Proverbs, in Isaiah, and in Hosea.
So, let’s present a more accurate translation that’s more to the point.
“He who refrains from his tribe (his people, his community) works against his son, but he who loves him seeks instruction.”
This reminds me of the old adage, “It takes a village to raise a child.” I’m not a father myself, but I have seen this idea throughout Scripture. Child rearing is not just for the child’s mother and father. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, siblings, cousins, family friends, priests and rabbis, and even household servants often get involved in helping to raise children in the way they are supposed to go.
Problems often come when we neglect our communities or turn aside from their instructions. If we are to raise our children, or even ourselves, properly, then we are to graft ourselves into a good, Biblical community that seeks after the heart of G’d. A loving community that is full of compassion, and does not seek to quibble about trivial matters. A community that helps us to live in harmony with one another, and seeks to take care of each other.
While it is certainly possible to follow G’d without a community, a great many of His Commandments are meant to be followed as part of a community. The importance of listening to the community, especially as a whole, cannot be overstated.
There was a time in my life when I tried to practice religion on my own. I had no church or synagogue community. I tried to live by faith my own way, and follow the Commandments of G’d by my own understanding. Even when I did go to churches or synagogues, I’d find some small aspect of what they taught or practiced to pick apart and decide that my own way was better. This way of living led me to sin time and again, and I fell for sin like a mouse caught in a trap. My life got worse and worse, and I couldn’t figure out why. I was so miserable, that I questioned why life was worth going on living.
Then I became part of a synagogue community, and those who loved me helped me see a better way. In gentleness, they instructed me in Hashem’s ways, and led me away from my sinful way of living. Never once did they shame me for the way I had been living, but rather they showed me a better way. It pulled me out of the muck and the misery, and I saw the worth that life truly had.
Therefore, what I think this verse is talking about is that same idea. That when we raise children, we need to keep them close to the G’dly community so that they will learn the ways to live, and to live truly. To do anything less is working against them.